


Hinata's Birthday Disaster

by dailynightly



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dailynightly/pseuds/dailynightly
Summary: The decorative towels are on the floor, there's shit in the toilet, and the screams are unlike anything Hinata has ever heard before.Where did it all go wrong?
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> sorry

_ My neck, my back, lick my pus- _

Hinata excitedly rolled over in his bed and shut off his alarm. A large grin spread across his face. This birthday was bound to be the best birthday of his entire life. The entire Karasuno volleyball club was coming to his house to attend his 16th birthday, and not only was this  _ just  _ a regular birthday party, but it was a SLEEPOVER! It took a lot of convincing, especially Tsukki and Kageyama, but he eventually convinced them, or rather bribed them, to spend the night with him (NOT SEXUALLY YOU GUYS!!!!). 

He jumped out of bed and ran to his closet, ripping off his iCarly pajamas in the process. He stood completely ass naked in front of his closet, pondering which outfit would make his friends say “omg hinata you look like a superstar!” to which he would reply “oh stop it im blushing!”. He eventually decided on his favorite Eminem t-shirt and a new pair of ripped blue skinny jeans his mom bought him from Aeropostale. He didn’t even like Eminem, but he knew that Kageyama did, and Hinata wanted nothing more than to impress his very hard to impress crush. He ran his sister’s Hannah Montana brush through his hair, brushed his teeth, and launched himself down the stairs into the kitchen where his mom had prepared him a fresh bowl of Fruity Pebbles. He ate as fast as he could but soon regretted his decision because he got a really bad stomach ache and had to take some Tums. The gang was supposed to arrive at noon, which was in 5 minutes, so he quickly tidied up the house by kicking everything under the couch. 

“Mom! They’re gonna be here any second now! Did you put out the Capri Sun and Cheetos?” Hinata yelled. 

“Yes, honey!” his mom replied, “I also made up some goodie bags for you guys! I put in some of Natsu’s BTS stickers, candy, and a few little knick knacks from Party City.” 

“Mom OMG, I’m in high school now. That is so embarrassing.” 

Hinata proceeded to take the goodie bags from his mom anyway and set them all on the couch.  _ She even put their names on them... _ He nervously ran his fingers through his hair but accidentally did it too hard and ripped out a tuft of hair.  _ Oh bother.... _

_ Ding Dong _

Hinata squealed and ran to the front door, which sent his cat named Dontavius into a frightened frenzy. He swung open the door violently, accidentally ripping it off the hinges. 

“Hey guys!!!” Hinata beamed, “Please enter my home!”

“Ok,” Tsukki flatly replied, shoving past Hinata, “where’s the bathroom? Yamaguchi spilled his juice on me.” 

“I said I was sorry!” Yamaguchi yelled. 

Tsukki glared at him, and then looked back at Hinata waiting for an answer.

“Down the hallway and to the right! But PLEASE make sure you DON’T use the towels that are hanging up. They are my mom’s decorative towels and she will beat the shit out of me if you guys touch them.” 

“Ok.” 

Tsukki stomped to the bathroom. Everyone else proceeded to enter, except Yamaguchi who was sadly looking at the ground. 

“Are you coming in, Yamaguchi?” Hinata asked. 

“I don’t think Tsukki wants me here. He has been picking on me more than usual today.” 

Hinata furrowed his brow at Yamaguchi. “If Tsukki’s bad attitude ruins my super fun sleepover I will fucking throw him into traffic.” Hinata growled demonically. 

Yamaguchi didn’t know how to reply to that, so he anxiously walked past Hinata and into the house where everyone else was already making themselves comfortable. 

As Hinata was closing the door, that was now somehow miraculously back on its hinges, a foot stopped it before it could latch. Hinata curiously opened the door to a disheveled, out of breath Bokuto. 

“P-Please let me… holy shit ... Come to your party...” Bokuto wheezed. 

Hinata blinked. 

“Sorry. This is for Karasuno’s volleyball club only. I don’t even know why you’d wanna come-”

“Please!” he begged, “I got into a fight with Akaashi because he said I’m too clingy and don’t hang out with anyone else but him. And I don’t like anyone else in my club enough to hang out with them! No offense, but they suck!” 

Hinata continued to stare at Bokuto, wide eyed. 

“Um, well,” Hinata started, “did you bring me a gift? Or an appetizer? Anything?” 

“Well, no. I just saw the event on Facebook this morning after our fight last night.” 

Hinata cursed himself for not making the event private. He let out a crunchy sigh. 

“Fine, but  _ please _ don’t be too loud. My mom works in the morning and my sister’s bedtime is-” 

“WOO HOO! HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto shouted as he ran over Hinata. 

The rest of Karasuno looked at Bokuto quizzically and then and Hianata, who was now practically on the floor, eyes filled with a mixture of fear and regret. He liked Bokuto well enough, but there was no denying that he was a handful. His mom was not going to be happy. 

Hinata slowly stood up and wobbled into the living room. As if his mom being mad at him wasn’t bad enough, he knew that Kageyama was not going to be happy about this either. He quickly glanced in Kageyama’s direction. He was on his phone, and he did not look enthused. Before Hinata could take another step, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out and turned it on to reveal a text notification from Kageyama. 

_ >Did you invite him?  _

He gulped.  _ Ok, he doesn’t sound mad. I think? He’s so hard to read.  _

_ >No. I told him he could come tho  _

_ >Lmao k.  _

_ SHIT! He is mad!  _ Hinata placed his phone back into his pocket and made his way into the living room, trying not to make eye contact with Kageyama. Everyone had already found their goodie bags and were exchanging stickers. 

“Tanaka please! I really really want the Jungkook sticker! He’s my fave!” Noya cried. 

“Not gonna happen. He’s my favorite too. Try asking Suga; he got the same one.” 

“He already said no! Please Tanaka!!!” 

Tanaka responded by putting his fingers in his ears and walking in the other direction. Noya cursed under his breath and fell to his knees, absolutely defeated. 

Asashi, who clearly wished he could be anywhere but here, but showed it nicely, was sitting on the couch quietly eating the reeses pieces that he got. Daichi was sitting next to him on his phone, most likely playing Minecraft. He was going through a phase. 

Tsukki was finally making his way into the living room, his pants wet from where he dabbed them with water. 

“Tsukkipoo! I didn’t know you were here!” Bokuto shouted, tackling him to the couch.

“What the hell! Get off of me!” Tsukki spat. 

“Yeah, Bokuto- leave him alone!” Yamaguchi yelled from the opposite side of the room. 

“I don’t need your help.” 

Tsukki’s comment pissed off Yamaguchi, so he threw his goodie bag at the  Sony 75″ X940E, 75 inch, 4K Smart TV. Hinata screamed in horror. 

Noya squealed and ran after the goodie bag, “Dibs!” 

Noya opened it up enthusiastically only to find a J-Hope sticker. He pouted. That was his least favorite member, so he also threw the goodie bag, and this time the bag hit Asahi in the lip.

Asahi made this face:

“Guys please stop throwing things,” Hinata begged, “my mom is not gonna be happy.” 

Hinata put his head in his hands and tried to calm himself down. It didn’t take long before he noticed how much more quiet the room had become. He looked up from his hands. 

Bokuto was nowhere to be found. 

“Where is Bokuto?” He asked nervously. 

“I saw him running down the hall.” Narita replied plainly because he’s a plain character. 

Hinata cursed under his breath and sprinted down the hall looking for Bokuto, who was walking out of the bathroom. 

Bokuto laughed, wafting his stank “Do not go in there! That was a bad one!” 

Hinata ignored him and ran into the bathroom to not only find a giant turd floating in the toilet, but his mom’s decorative towels laying on the floor, completely soaked.

“Bokuto what the fuck!” 

“Sorry! I forgot to spray!” He yelled back from down the hall. 

“And flush! And use the towel that was set out specifically for drying your hands!” Hinata spat. 

No response. Hinata angrily flushed the toilet, but naturally, it clogged.  _ Shit, where is the plunger? _

“Mom! Where is the plunger!?” Hinata screamed. 

“What, hun?” She said as she walked into the bathroom. 

Her eyes immediately glued themselves to the soiled hand towel on the floor. She gasped, and the face she made was one that Hinata had never seen before. It was a combination of anger, disappointment, rage, and sadness. Hinata just stood there, unsure of how to reply. 

“Hinata.” she began, her voice so cold that he could feel goosebumps forming on his skin, “I am going to fucking kill you tomorrow.” 

His mom turned and walked back to her bedroom, but the atmosphere didn’t change. And he still didn’t have a plunger. He walked out of the bathroom and back down the hallway. 

“Guys, the bathroom is out of order.” Hinata said flatly. 

“But I have to pee!” Suga whined. 

“Too bad.” 

The room fell silent, save for Daichi’s phone that was emitting cave sounds. 

Bokuto shot up from where he was sitting, “We should play a game!” 

“Yeah! Truth or dare!” Noya shot back. 

Tsukki and Kageyama groaned, but the rest of the club and Bokuto proceeded to form a circle on the floor. Hinata sighed. He didn’t want to argue, so he obliged and sat down next to Suga in the circle. 

“Tsukki and Kageyama join or else I will shit in your overnight bag!” Bokuto yelled. 

They knew that he was not joking, so they reluctantly obliged and joined the circle. Yamaguchi visibly frowned when Tsukki sat on the opposite side of the circle. 

“Okay I’m gonna go first!” Bokuto hollered.

“Please stop yelling.” Hinata said, but was clearly ignored. 

“You can't just choose to go first!” Noya hollered back, twice as loud. 

“I’LL GO FIRST” Hinata angrily screamed. 

The rest of the group stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Okay.” Hinata sighed, “Who do I ask?” 

Tsukki rolled his eyes. “Just choose someone.” 

“Right,” Hinata pondered even though he knew who he was gonna pick, “Kageyama. Truth or dare?” 

“Truth I guess.” 

“Are you mad at me?” Hinata asked promptly. 

“No.” 

“You have to tell the truth.” Hinata replied. 

“I am.” 

Hinata frowned. 

“My Turn!” Noya yelled. “Asahi truth or dare!!” 

Asahi smiled kindly in an Asahi way. “Truth.” 

“Do you have a crush on anyone in this room?” Noya asked, blushing.

Asahi chuckled and scratched his head, “No, I don’t think so!” 

Noya’s face fell, “Are you sure?” 

“Hey! You already asked your question!” Bokuto screamed, “Yamagucci slides, it is your turn bro!” 

“Okay, er, Tsukki. Truth or dare?”

Tsukki glared at him. “Dare.” 

Yamaguchi didn’t know where to go from here. He expected Tsukki to say truth. 

“Uh, I dare you to…” Yamaguchi proceeded to stare blankly at a spot on the floor.

“Get on with it!” Bokuto yelled. 

Yamaguchi squeaked. “I dare you to tell me why you’re being so mean to me today!” 

“Because you’re annoying,” Tsukki replied matter-of-factly, “can we watch a movie or something? This sucks.” 

Yamaguchi threw his shoe this time, accidentally hitting Hinata’s cat. He stood up from his spot on the floor, his eyes filled with rage. Hinata braced himself for what was about to come. He wasn't sure what it was going to be, but he knew it was not going to be good. 

Yamaguchi took a deep breath and tightly closed his eyes, “That does it!” 

Yamaguchi’s behavior right now was the equivalent of the quiet kid cussing and reaching into his bookbag (American readers know what this means). 

“Tsukki, stand up! We need to talk. Now.” 

“Why,” Tsukki said sharply. 

Yamaguchi charged forward and grabbed Tsukki by the collar of his shirt, pulling him up onto his feet. “Tell me what your problem is!” 

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Yes you do! You have been treating me like shit all night and that is not something that bffls do!” 

“Because you’re NOT my bffl, Yamaguchi!” 

Yamaguchi’s face fell. 

“What?” 

“You’re not my bffl,” Tsukki said quietly, “you are my fucikng boyfriend <3” 

Tsukki violently pressed his lips to Yamaguchi’s, completely ignoring the fact that the rest of the club was just sitting mere inches away from them, completely silent. 

Tanaka broke the silence, “You guys are so dirty omg!” 

Everyone in the room began yelling over each other. 

Noya angrily walked up to Asahi, pestering him about why he didn’t kiss him like that only for Asahi to remind him that they are not dating to which Noya replied why to which Asahi replied idk do u wanna date me to which Noya replied yes and then kissed him.

Hinata just sat there, not knowing where things went wrong. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chap 2 <3

It wasn’t until nearly 9 pm when everyone finally started settling down. The living room was a mess, and Hinata was having his 47th panic attack of the evening. His mom was already pissed about the towels, and now the messy living room was just going to add to her anger. Granted, he could pick it up a little, but there was no way he was going to be able to pick everything up by morning. It’s bad enough that she will likely need to use the bathroom and witness the now soggy turd floating around in the toilet. 

As if Suga could read his thoughts, he approached Hinata hunched over in what looked to be an indescribable pain, “Hinata, I really need to pee. Like, bad…” 

“The bathroom is still out of order. I’m sorry, Suga.” 

Suga groaned in response. Hinata felt terrible. He didn’t know what to do besides waking his mother and give her another reason to kick his ass, and that wasn’t gonna happen.

Hinata pondered, “Maybe you can go outside?”

“It is cold.” 

“Put on a coat.” 

Suga frowned and went back to the bed he had made for himself on the floor, making an effort to groan overdramatically in the process. Clearly, he didn’t plan on taking Hinata’s advice, and at this point, Hinata was too preoccupied with everything else to care. 

“Okay, guys,” Hinata began, “If you all have your beds set up, we can watch a movie. I rented Minions from-” 

A frantic knock at the door interrupted him mid-sentence. 

Hinata cursed under his breath and sprinted to the door. Another knock and they would most definitely wake up his mom. He angrily swung open the door and came face to face with a muddy, soaking wet Oikawa. 

“What the fuck?” Hinata muttered, mostly to himself, analyzing the man in front of him. 

“Can I please use your shower?” Oikawa asked, completely ignoring Hinata’s confusion. 

Hinata was taken aback, “Wha-? Don’t you have your own shower?” he asked, “And more importantly, why my shower of all showers?” he added. 

“I dunno,” Oikawa shrugged, “I was in the neighborhood.” 

“And…?” 

“And I need a shower,” Oikawa replied promptly. 

Hinata shook his head in disbelief, but reluctantly obliged, letting Oikawa into his house. Oikawa, who completely ignored the rest of the party guests, made a B-line straight for the bathroom. Despite never being to Hinata’s house, he seemed pretty confident about where the bathroom was. 

“Okay…” Hinata muttered, defeated yet again. “As I was saying, I rented Minions…” 

“I wanna watch Hotel Transylvania 2!” Tanaka interjected. 

Hinata stared blankly, “I don’t have that. I only rented Minions.” 

“I’ve already seen that.” Tanaka pouted. 

“Has anyone else seen it though?” 

Everyone nodded in unison. 

Hinata threw his arms up in frustration, “Okay! You know what, the Netflix password is Jody24. Watch whatever you want.” 

Hinata picked up the TiVo remote and angrily chucked it into the pile of bedding in the middle of the floor. Everyone proceeded to fight over it. By the time Noya victoriously claimed the remote, a lip was busted, an eyebrow was bruised, and there was a literal nipple laying on the floor. 

Daichi proceeded to pick it up and asked, “Whose fucking nipple is this?” 

“Mine! Sorry,” Ennoshita popped up and claimed the single nipple, “It isn’t real. It’s just a gag gift from Spencer’s Gifts in the Mall.” 

Daichi let out a sigh of relief, as did Hinata. 

Without even consulting the rest of the group, Noya proceeded to turn on The Angry Birds Movie. Bokuto apparently had a sick obsession with this movie, because as soon as the first line of dialogue was spoken, he was up on his feet and screaming at the top of his lungs like a fucking banshee. Everyone covered their ears.

Not even 5 seconds after that, Oikawa sprinted out the front door with one of Hinata’s mom’s nice bath towels from Target wrapped around his waist, not even stopping to say “goodbye” or even “thanks for the shower Hinata!”. As Hinata rushed to the front door to see where he was going with his towel, it was very apparent that he would not be returning. He was already halfway down the street, and on top of that, he stole Hinata’s bike. Hinata just stared, his mouth agape. Bokuto could still be heard in the background, screaming movie dialogue and stomping around the room with a Capri Sun in his hand like a fucking 5-year-old who just learned what walking is. 

Hinata was basically a ticking time bomb at this point, and he wasn’t sure how much time he had before he finally snapped. This wasn’t like him at all, but they all somehow managed to push him over the edge. He stepped back from the front door, slowly walked back into the living room, and sat down on the couch. He took out his phone and pulled up coach Ukai’s contact. 

> This is Hinata. I need you at my house right now. Don’t ask questions. 

> But I am watching The Walking Dead season finale :( 

> I do not care. 

> OMW :(

Hinata put his phone back in his pocket and simply tried to exist until Ukai arrived. If there was one person who could shut up an entire group of high schoolers it was him. 

Ukai arrived promptly as instructed, albeit still in his pajamas but still here nonetheless. Hinata rushed over to him before anyone else noticed that he was here. Ukai started at him wide-eyed and expectantly. 

“Please help me,” Hinata begged, “they’re just so loud and destructive and there’s poop in the toilet and my mom is so mad and I don’t know what to do!” 

“Who?” Ukai replied, confusion spread across his face. 

“The entire Karasuno volleyball club and Bokuto.” 

“Bokuto?”

“Yeah, I don’t know either. Just please shut them up.” 

Ukai smirked and cracked his knuckles, “No problem.” 

Hinata followed closely behind Ukai as he walked into the living room. His nose visibly scrunched up as he was overcome with the smell of Doritos and an alarming amount of Axe body spray, which was mainly used to mask the smell of poop that had wafted into the living room. 

Everyone audibly gasped when they saw Ukai standing in the entrance, his face painted with an expression that read “I mean business mother fucker”. 

“It has come to my attention,” he began, “that you have been giving Hinata a hard time tonight.”

Everyone stared blankly, fear-filled their eyes. 

“Well, I am not having it! I could be finishing The Walking Dead season finale right now, but instead, I’m here, lecturing you brats on how to behave at a friend's birthday party,” he continued, “Is this how you treat your friends? By leaving giant poops in their toilet? By destroying the home they so graciously invited you to? Pathetic.” 

“And using my mom’s decorative hand towels!” Hinata added, glaring at Bokuto. 

“Not cool you guys… Not very cool at all,” Ukai sighed, “It is time to put on your PJs and call it a night before poor Hinata has an aneurysm.” 

Everyone anxiously nodded and proceeded to put on their PJs as Ukai directed. Ukai turned around to face Hinata and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “If they give you any more problems, call me.”

Ukai proceeded to walk out the front door, “But,” he added, “not until The Walking Dead season finale is over. Daryl has gotten himself into quite the pickle.” 

Ukai chucked and closed the door behind him, leaving Hinata alone yet again. 

Hinata sighed nervously and made his way back into the living room. To his surprise, the atmosphere had completely changed; it was almost serene. Hinata smiled to himself and lay down in the bed he made for himself next to his BFFL Kageyama. 

“Alexa lights off,” Hinata yelled. 

_ Now playing Lights Off by Lil Wayne on Spotify. _

Everyone giggled. Hinata frowned.

“No Alexa you bitch! Stop! Lights off!” 

_ I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. _

Hinata took a deep breath, making sure to ground himself before he went off on an electronic. 

“ _ Alexa _ ,” he said again, calmly, “turn off the lights.” 

This time, the lights went off with a click. 

Hinata smiled yet again, but sadly, nothing could prepare him for what was about to come. 

\-------------------- 

Pure silence; a beautiful moment that Hinata thought would never come. He inhaled deeply and exhaled, letting go of all of the pent-up tension that he aquired over the course of the day. Granted, he would have to deal with his mother’s wrath tomorrow, but as for right now, in the very moment, he was at peace. He rolled over onto his side, pulling his blanket up over his head and closing his eyes. He began to drift off into sleep. 

“Psst.” 

A sharp whisper cut through the silence, like a rusty knife against metal. At that very moment, Hinata felt his soul leave his body. Their supposed silence was apparently a fluke. 

Again, the same voice shattered the serenity, “Psst. You guys.”

_ Fucking Bokuto _ , Hinata thought. 

“What?” Noya whispered back. 

Bokuto attempted to stifle his laughter, “Poopie.”

Everyone giggled in unison, even Tsukki, who never laughed at anything ever- _ especially _ poopie funny jokes. 

Noya snickered, “Guys, guys…listen,” he giggled quietly, “peepee.” 

Their laughs grew louder, especially Bokuto, who was now screaming and kicking the air, sending his blankets every which way. 

Hinata angrily wrapped his pillow around his head. He really didn’t want to get Ukai involved again, but he was so unbelievably tired of everything right now. 

“Guys,” Hinata said quietly, “can we please just save the noise for tomorrow? I want to sleep.” 

His question was received with a swift smack of a pillow across his face, followed by a fit of giggles. 

“Okay! That’s it!” Hinata snapped like Chuck’s dad from iCarly ([chuck's dad for reference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GPp1GfhFzE&ab_channel=BananaPeel5500)), “I’m calling coach Ukai!” 

“No!!!!” everyone screamed in unison as if the entire world as they knew it was a mere 2 seconds from being obliterated. 

Suddenly, everyone quickly hid under their blankets and became quiet. Hinata smiled. This is what he has been waiting for all night. He lay back down under his George Lopez themed comforter and curled into a comfy ball as cats do sometimes. He shut his eyes and began to doze off within seconds. 

As if God was in a bad mood and hated Hinata with every ounce of his being, a knock at the door woke Hinata from his half-asleep state. 

“Bruh...” he whispered, cracking open his eyes to see a silhouette of a shadow being cast through the curtains. It looked to be a short little hobbit-like man, maybe only 3 feet tall.  _ Well, this is concerning  _ Hinata thought. Everybody else seemed to either be asleep or in a panic fueled state of pure quiet. 

Hinata pissoffedly stood up and walked to the door. For safety reasons, he picked up a sledgehammer that was questionably placed on the living room floor. God knows what they were doing with it. He raised it over his head, ready to attack if this hobbit-like man decided to charge. 

He wrapped his hand around the doorknob and slowly turned it. He gulped and swiftly swung open the door, revealing not a little hobbit man, but a little Kenma :) 

“Omg, buddy what are you doing here so late?” Hinata asked. 

“I would like to play a round of Mario Kart with you.”

“Oh, how come?” 

“You need to prove to me that you are worthy.” 

“Well that is a silly request, but I would be happy to oblige! Can I be Yoshi?”

“No!” Kenma snapped, “I am always Yoshi.” 

“Oh,” Hinata replied sadly, “I will be Diddy Kong.” 

“That’s stupid but ok” 

They stared at each other for 15 minutes. 

“Are you gonna come in and set up the game?” Hinata beamed. 

“I didn’t bring it.” 

Hinata frowned, “Then why did you ask to play a game?” 

“I’m not sure. I’m going back to my home.” 

Kenma turned around and slowly walked down the driveway, his hands in his pockets because it was cold and he was not wearing a jacket of mittens or a hat or anything cmon buddy that is NOT safe ur gonna get pneumonia 

A sad little tear formed in Hinata’s eyeball and began to slide down his freckled cheek. He really wanted to play Mario Kart. This was the worst birthday ever. 

He picked up gravel and ate it. 

So sad. 

The END.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment for chap 2 babes


End file.
